History Makes Arrangement To Happen, Every Single Day


Test Card F
Originally uploaded by Jacob Clifton
  • Happy birthday to Spam and the Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica! (1937 & 1687)
  • Happy birthday to the speed limit and the Salvation Army, both invented in England today! (1865)
  • Boo-urns to the San Franscisco PD, who opened fire on striking longshoremen in 1934, now celebrated as “Bloody Thursday,” and to the Vichy France government, with whom the UK broke off diplomatic relations on this date in 1940. France made up for it in 1946 by inventing the bikini! Thanks, collaborators! Meanwhile, in 1950, the Knesset passed the Law of Return, resulting in untold horrors! Seinfeld aired its first episode exactly 39 years later.
  • Nixon certified the 26th amendment, giving 18+ Americans the right to vote, in 1971! We can do better!

Birthdays

  • Mary Walcott 1675, who invented the Salem witch trials when she was just a little bitch!
  • Sylvester Graham 1794, the American nutritionist who cured masturbation with his eponymous and delicious crackers!
  • P.T. Barnum 1810, who finally found the elusive Egress in 1891.
  • Jean Cocteau 1889, who said: “We shelter an angel within us. We must be the guardians of that angel.”
  • Also Mona from Who’s The Boss, the Calvin & Hobbes guy, the lady who created that awesome show Weeds, and Dolly the sheep. Those are the names I recognize, anyway. Dolly died in 2003. Weeds will soon enter its third season, and Mona is still alive. Thank goodness!

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