Kettering At Play

Kettering At Play
Originally uploaded by Jacob Clifton

Okay, so the lyrics in question are, in fact:

Even if I stop wanting you/ and perspective pushes through
I’ll be some next man’s other woman soon
I cannot play myself again/ Should just be my own best friend
Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men

And not:

I’ll be some next man’s other woman soon
I cannot play myself again/ Should just be my own best friend
And fuck myself in the head with Superman

Which would have been much cooler, frankly.

I think God and sex have in common that they are like the most personal things you can do. I think your relationship with God and your relationship with your sexuality are entirely the point, but all the propaganda and comparing yourself to other fucked-up people is really what gives those things the reputation that they have. Church is great but it’s not where God is located; it’s where you go to share religion with other people but it is not, in itself, religion.

Being an intensely religious person who is also an atheist results in these kind of mental backflips. I also think I might have temporal lobe epilepsy which causes this thing called Geschwind syndrome. Here are the symptoms:

  • Excessive verbal output. Check.
  • Hypergraphia. Obvious giant check.
  • Altered sexuality — see paragraph above.
  • Intensified mental life, including deepened cognitive and emotional responses: check and mate.
  • Pedantry, as seen in Asperger’s patients, presents as obsession with “the minutiae of subjects,” the tendency to “long detailed expositions, and the related corrections”; OCD also presents a form of pedantry that is “overly concerned with the correct following of rules, procedures and practices.” Okay? I’m totally epileptic!
  • The last Geschwind symptom is hyperreligiosity, including a feeling of actual contact with a religious force or otherwise acting nuts about God in public. All of these things, I have done. All of them in the last week.

Anyway. I think that’s why I’m so offended when people say, “I’ll pray for you”; to me, it’s equivalent to saying, “I think about you when I masturbate.” Actually, I think it’s closer to “I think about you when I’m having sex with my wife.”

Gee, neat.

The only other thing like this that I can think of is patriotism, public service, charity work. The things that make you a good person in a social context, according to me and the rules of me. Soon there won’t be anything left to talk about.

Although perhaps that’s just my epilepsy talking.


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