I have foundation on my face and I will NEVER WASH IT OFF

Okay, we were supposed to be done by 3:30, but we finished at 2:15. Apparently that means I did a good job.

Slow down, back up, don’t be weird.

I was tapped earlier this week to interview for the e! True Hollywood Story about the Women of American Idol. Specifically, the three female winners. They came to my house and set up cameras and it was incredible and exciting.

Here are some things I said, without irony:

“Sorry, let’s start again.”
“Do you mind if I do that again?”
“I’m not happy with that take.”

And my favorite:

“Guys, how am I doing on time?”

I didn’t even know I was saying that until it came out of my mouth, and then I was like: This is totally, freakily real. I nearly jumped out of the chair but that would have screwed up the shot.

They’re sending me a DVD of the raw footage so I can analyze it and peck myself to death. The special airs Dec 11 and I’m so sure there will be like five seconds of me, after all that, but it’s such a funny, weird experience I can talk about forever now.

I’m putting a stamp on the thank you card at this very second.

I just realized that the field producer is the owner of the local media company that did the whole thing — totally amazing woman. Loved her. I dragged her outside to “chat” when they were setting up, and we had a lovely talk, and the whole time I was answering the questions she was being so cute and making very supportive, approving faces, and laughing. She made it so wonderful! She told Anna she should be on TV and that she had a beautiful profile. There were three people — the producer, the boom guy, and the camera guy. Lights on tripods. They were lovely and they said I was amazing and professional and a natural. I feel that this assessment is not out of the realm of possibility.

The most fun I’ve ever had in my life. I can’t think of this as “the first time” because I don’t want to be a media celebrity personality thing — I am a future Pulitzer-winning novelist, dammit! — but as a wonderful and special experience, this is truly and entirely one of the best days of my life. Every time I hear this song for the rest of my life, it’ll be today, and I’ll feel strong.

Just like my horoscope said! (Gay.) I feel appreciated and … I don’t know, like I have a talent or a skill or something. That what I say has a chance of being interesting. I feel validated and strong and eminently, glamorously un-evicted. In some ways the last couple of months were total ass-bite, so that’s important to note: I FEEL REALLY REALLY GOOD. LIKE A SUPERHERO OR KRISTIN CAVALLERI.

I wonder how much of the hour will actually make it into the show? The questions were so in-depth, there were like 52 of them, and I had to memorize some facts and stuff — she kept passing me the clipboard and I’d be like, “okay, ‘Can’t Buy Me Love’ was the Billboard record-holder for biggest jump in the Billboard singles charts until Kelly Clarkson’s first single, which jumped from #52 to #1 … that was in 1964. 1964. They started at #27 and went to #1 the next week. That’s quite a jump. Okay, roll!”

I took camera phone pictures as they were striking the cameras and lighting and everything, they’re after the jump.

The camera guy totally pulled the camera back out and posed for me without even being asked. It was hot.

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2 thoughts on “I have foundation on my face and I will NEVER WASH IT OFF

  1. I have only ever been this excited by a writer once before in my life.I picked up a < HREF="http://www.gregorymcdonald.com/" REL="nofollow">Gregory McDonald<> book for 50 cents at my local used bookstore and was imediately hooked to the degree that I ran out and bought everything by him I could find. As a slightly chubby teenage girl, Gregory McDonald took me away from all of my teen angst (bullshit) and into a wondrous world of words(ugh, I know, me=not creative,at all).I have no doubt whatsoever that you will one day soon be a Pulitzer prize winning novelist. My one request of you is that when all of your books are inevitably made into movies that you never ever allow Chevy Chase to be in them.

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