My sister Katie (16 this month) got a root canal Tuesday, so she was home with me yesterday, and it was awesome because we got to drive around and run errands with Shirley all day, and it felt like playing hooky.
Normally I am home over holidays, so everybody’s home the whole time, but it feels a lot sneakier when all the kids are in school. Today Katie is back in school, but John-John got his wisdom teeth out, so now he’s home, and chuckling crazily to himself, and refuses to sit down, or rest, and keeps making absurd demands, like, “Just let me walk around the house. Once, before I lie down. It’s all I want!” and doing little dances to his own inner music.
Daddy: What did they give you?
John: Four amoxycillin. And I took them LIKE A PIMP!
Shirley: That’s funny because a gram or two will cure the clap. There’s no way he could know that.
Shirley: Are you hungry? Do you want some mashed potatoes?
John: Sure. What I’d really like, though, is some more of WHATEVER THAT GUY PUT IN MY ARM.
John: Jacob, I want to dictate a story to you so you can WRITE IT DOWN.
Jacob: What’s it about?
John: The best motherfucking elephant trainer I EVER MET.