The weird German Lady in the condo across the hall left today. She had a baby we never heard.
The last thing she did before they left was come to the door and say in this Colonel Clink accent, “Ve haff ketchup, ve haff mustard, ve haff mayonnaise, do you vant it? Ve haff condiments; we are leafink.”
And I was like, Well, you know, I feel like a German, like, efficiency’s important to me, so I thought I could anticipate what she’d want me to say, so I thought it would be easier for her if she didn’t have to think about it, you know, if it was just efficiently out of her mind, so I said yes, so she brought it to me, and then she said “Ve haff salad drissink und ve haff barbecue sauce, do you vant?” And I was like, “Yeah, okay fine lady,” and she brings me that, and she’s like, “You vant carrots?” and I was like okay but then it was getting ridiculous, like we were that poor family or something, so I said sure and she brought me carrots and some oranges and she said “Zese oranges are not very goot, but you can make lemonade out of them, ziss is vat ve haff been doink” and then I knew it, I knew that I had my chance, and I said, “Mahalo.”
“Mahalo, German Lady.”
- You will do the same god damn thing on your last day in the condo.
- The German accent makes anyone over 30 years of age laugh when you tell this story.
Note to self: Investigate further, document more.